God of cryptocurrency
I stand up, wiping my brow. “That is the last stain,” I remark as I look around. You could not tell that the hedonism god Yorum just threw a party, they called it a rager, last night.
As I put away the cleaning supplies, I could hear the Polganis, deity of harvests, walking down the hallway. She was talking to Neremi, the deity of fertility and childbirth, about their shared holiday two moons away.
“Yeah, I told my high priestess to make sure that all farms are decorated and ready for my vassals. I had them hire a mortal design firm to help.” Polganis says as they come round the corner.
“That will cost your temples a lot, will it not?” Neremi asks.
“It will be fine. I made sure this year’s crops…” Polganis trails off as her eyes fall on me. She remains quiet as they walk closer. Their footsteps echoed through the halls and rooms like thunder. Neremi whispers to Polganis and a breath later they laugh. It reverberates all around.
“I cannot wait for my festival at the beginning of the year. My priest says it will be the best stream they have ever had.” I mumble.
“What was that?” Neremi asks as they stop in front of me. Towering over me.
I look down at my feet. Neremi is high on the pantheon. Her size and power prove that. While I have only been around for a measly decade. I barely have a hundred worshipers. It does not help that I can’t get out of my parent’s shadow. Most mortals assume that their wealth from digital markets comes from my parent’s blessings. When it is really me. But no one believes me.
Neremi snaps their fingers. “Are you still with me, runt? I asked you a question! What did you say?!”
I repeat my statement a bit louder. They laugh at me and look at Polganis.
“Yeah, I am sure they have enough money to buy a few plastic cups and some powder fruit drinks.” they laugh again.
Polgains chortles, “And play pin the tail on the donkey or whatever those lonely nerds do in their basements”
Polgains leans down and pats me on the back. Knocking me down to the ground. “There you go, just where you need to be. On the ground with the mortals! I mean come on, you were barely born and not even with an aura.” Polgains says with laughter in her throat. They walk on laughing and continuing to talk about their holiday. I pick myself up and head back to my room.
I plop down on the straw bed. Tears running down my face. I pick up my mortal laptop. I don’t even have enough power to reach out with my mind. I have to use mortal technology to message them.
“Any news? Any more followers?” I ask. He takes several minutes to respond, “Sorry Holiness, no new followers. But we haven’t lost anyone either. I consider it a good day.” I sigh in frustration.
I will never grow up to be like Polgains or Neremi if I cannot get followers and worshipers. I have to think of something. So I text back, “Have you created that new coin I ask for?” Again, he takes several minutes to respond. All the while, my anxiety keeps rising.
“Yes, we created a dog coin and an Etranium coin after you. Both are up and running. They are trading at very low numbers. But I am making sure that your followers know to get Etranium.” He types back. I praise my priest and give him more financial advice and bless them for their work. Then I shut my laptop and decide to meditate. Since it is the closest thing to sleep, I can get.
A moon cycle later, I get called to the God’s Chamber. They have never called me there except to clean. My anxiety firmly lodges in my throat. Since I am not powerful enough to have an aura. I have to deal with all the negative feelings that mortals do. However, I clench my teeth and take a deep breath. I head towards the chamber.
As I walk into the large polished stone room, I see all the gods there. Everyone from Zenimir, deity of the cosmos, down to Jolkem, the deity of public transport. They are staring at me. I stand in the doorway, timid as a mouse.
“Come in Etranium and stand before us,” Zenimir commands with her shattering voice. I walk around the viewing portal in the center of the room to the steps leading to the throne.
“I can be of service, Zenimir.” I say as confidently as possible. But it comes out a croak. She looks down at me and points to the portal. It brings up the worshiper count for each god. My name is on the far left, barely visible, with one hundred and fifty-six followers. The next god is Jolkem with eight hundred thousand and change.
“Do you see what I see?” Zenimir asks.
I watch for a moment and my number jumps to two hundred and forty-eight. Then three hundred and eighteen. Again to three hundred and ninety-six. “Yes, my followers are increasing!” I blurt out in excitement.
“Correct. We are currently watching the mortal world in accelerated time. That way we can see this happen. Do you know why you are gaining worshipers at an alarming rate? Each day adds more and more. It is exponential.” Zenimir states.
I look up at her. “I do not know. I told my priest to create two new crypto coins. This does not follow normal trends.” I trail off as I analyze the data. Then I think of my laptop and run out of the chamber. I don’t listen when Zenimir demands me to go back.
I rush and grab the mortal device and check my email. I had over a hundred new emails from my priest and his assistant? Looking over at them and I figure out that my coins took off. Giving my priests the opportunity to spread my name and trading advice.
I get teleported back to God’s Chamber. Zenimir looks at me with anger in her eyes. “You will do as I say and answer the question. How are you gaining a thousand followers a mortal day?!”
I look up from the laptop, as it gets smaller and smaller in my hands. I begin glowing a purplish color as my aura comes into being. “Zenimir, your holiness, I do not understand. My priest has informed me that a mortal named Elon. Sent a digital message stating that he was buying my coins. Per my priest, this Elon is very famous amongst the mortals. A lot of mortals, who had never heard of me or cryptocurrency, were suddenly made aware. My priest has taken this opportunity to spread my teachings and my name.” I answer.
I keep growing. I accidentally crush my laptop. However, I can feel the digital world come into focus. I could see my priest’s computer, their email, their camera. I saw them talking to a group of worshipers. As the days passed in the view portal. My body kept growing. I stood as tall as Zenmir. My aura blotting out everyone else’s. I could feel the digital universe of not just our world but others, too. Right at the edge of my mind. I just had to think and I could speed up the mortal technology by a century. I look at the portal and I could see my worshipper bar dwarfing even Zenmir’s.
The other gods murmur as they watch me grow. Fear overtaking their, normally, stoic faces. I look at Polgains and Neremi and laugh. I reach over and pat both of them like children.
Suddenly, I am tiny again. My aura is gone, and I stand at the foot of the stairs. I look around, confused. Everyone fell silent for a moment. Polgains’ laughter broke the silence and, like a flood, the other began to laugh too. The laughter rose like a melodious chorus. Then, with a clap from Zenimir, everyone stopped.
“That is enough. It appears that Etranium’s rise to power was a fleeting moment.” Zenimir says.
I tentatively turn around to look at the portal. The day cycle had returned to normal time. My worshipper count was back at the bottom of the list. I look away, tears running down my face. I fall to the group crying hard. After a moment, I feel a hand on my shoulder. I look up to see Zenimir standing there. She looks at me and says, “Don’t cry. We all had a slow start. Look.” She turns to me and points at the chart. “You still have more followers than you started with.”
I look carefully, and she’s right. I have three thousand and eight followers. It was holding steady. “See, you broke a thousand followers. That is cause for celebration.” She says. I look up with a smile. “Come, I will get Yorum to throw a party,” Zenimir says leading me out of the chamber. “This time we will get Jolkem to clean up.” She continues as we hear an echoing objection from behind us.